Open Letter: Bye, Nang

“Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one’s head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no to-morrow. To forget time, to forget life, to be at peace.”—Oscar Wilde, The Canterville Ghost


I am sorry cannot look at you lying in your wooden bed when we heard the sad news, I don’t want to see you like that. I also do not want to see the final moment you’ll be above the earth  and be buried six feet under. The idea of it breaks my heart as I try to act like I am not affected at all. I only want the last smile you did when you said I gained more weight, but still beautuful. I held your hand and complained that I did not.

We always had that moment. You are my husband’s second mom. For a while I thought you hated me as I took him away from you. I remember not going to the house when you scolded us for being too touchy with each other. You said we are still studying.

Years passed, maybe you got used to me. We spent time in the kitchen cooking cause you said your hands were not stable anymore and you easily get tired.

Every afternoon of any weekend, we would hang out in the dining area where we talk about Kuya and his girl friends. You said I am your favorite as I know some household chores.

Every night when we arrive from work, and if Nomar doesn’t like the dinner, you would leave your teleserye and cook his lumpiang shanghai. You would call me instead and ask me finish cooking cause you told me I should be the one doing it for him now. 

Every morning, you will wake up earlier than anyone else, I would be awaken by the smell of coffee. You prepared it for us with matching hot water for our bath. 

Every chance that you could talk to me regarding their childhood, you’ll do it again and again.

How Nomar cried when you left him at school, his first scar, his matching socks, his being picky for food, and other memories with the family. 

Plus your emphasis on how “gwapo” Nomar is. 

These things flashed back when I saw Nomar in your wake holding back his tears. 

Nang, hindi naiyak yan! Kahit nung kasal namin hindi umiyak yan. Sayang nga wala ka dun. 

Well, I would like to think that your mission on earth is over. The four of them became loving adults. Without your assistance when their parents are at work, I can’t imagine…

As much as we want to produce the little Nomar every one else wants, huwag kang mag alala Nang, I will introduce you to them. 

I hope you are happy where you are now. We love you. 

Rest in peace. 

– Sarah pot pot 


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