Last Labor Day, 1 May, we attended the pre-Cana Seminar as a requirement for our upcoming wedding in September. I have no idea what it is about, but we have to attend.
Most of the time the pre-Cana seminars should be attended several months before the wedding, its purpose is to check the traffic lights of the relationship and wedding– go, delay, postpone. At first, I was shocked because why would we attend a seminar that will make us rethink of each other, but hey, maybe we needed it right? So I calm down.
The seminar was facilitated by the members of Marriage Encounters. Here are some notes and insights during the seminar.
Marriage needs a certain level of maturity.
It’s true. How can you be with someone if you and your demons are not shoveled back to your Pandora’s Box? My two cents here is you should accept and love yourself first before you commit to someone else because if you do not you will just need that person to validate your existence.
Love is a decision not a feeling.
Okay. Another point raised, feeling changes all the time. The question is, would you still love the person in the morning after you see his/her bad hair, stinky breath, insect killer fart and so on? You should, right? Because he/she is not perfect and so are you.
Everybody has their own expectation of something. Let’s say a movie, if the producer is big time you expect a good quality movie or a makeup brand if it’s high end you’ll expect that it is long-lasting or sweat proof than any other else. Same goes with your partner, set your expectation just right because if it is too high, chances are it will lead to frustration or even disillusion.
I’d say meet half way and clearly state them.
We were then given a questionnaire which covers the following topic (1) Sex (2) In Laws (3) Children and Family Planning (4) Religion (5) Finance. It’s a multiple choice question and we were also told how to go over about it.
When we checked our answers, THANKFULLY, we do not have much to argue about because, MAYBE, after 10 years, we have grown to have the same views and beliefs in most areas.
Of course the issue of equality is endless, but this has opened my eyes that men and women are equal, it is just their functions are not. I would compare it to Monarchy where the King is higher than the Queen. (In a chess game, the Queen has more privilege LOL)
According to the Marriage Encounter, communication often fails relationship as partners have different perceptions on things. It’s like the controversial Blue/White dress in social media. Partners need to accept this and again compromise. When discussing it is also nice to practice empathy without losing yourself, this way you will be able to understand where the other person is coming from.
No need to shout or nag.
Psychologically (I am no expert), if I am the other person, I’ll feel that he is taking responsibility of his/her action and of course, it’s easy to reconcile.
What we want to prevent here is the 3R Consequences which are Resentment – Resistance – Revenge.
As long as the boat is sailing smoothly, work together to adjust with storms and strong winds. Besides, marriage is a team effort right? It’s both of you against outside, not you and your partner.
This is a semi sensitive topic for me, they discussed natural family planning and its connection with sins. I do not want to touch that topic because I believe it’s sensationalized. For a person with medical conditions that might affect pregnancy and the like, I seek science. I am not accounted on the 400 lifetime egg cells that I will produce cause my ovary is sleeping.
What is really the purpose of marriage?
Well, for me, it’s a gift you can give to each other – it covers your love, trust, fidelity, and loyalty to your soon to be spouse. You will vow that no matter what will happen, you will have each others back. It’s a mission to show your future children to find true love and live their life at its fullest.