Change your mindset, not your man

Long thinking out loud thought.   
I’ve been in a relationship for the past nine years and for those who are asking how I/we made it through, I tell you, it’s never a walk in the park. 

Yes, I am the kind of lady who believed in courtship but not the pakipot or hard-to-get type. I decided to be in a relationship which I believed will last long. Since it was my first serious relationship I don’t know what to correct or enhance. 

The first year was actually funny. Though my choices were a bit weird, like I won’t get mad on petty things (falling asleep while texting or reporting whereabouts). It was a start of something exciting. 

Years passed by and I reached the stage where I didn’t want to end the relationship anymore (on our third year, I believe) I thought it was too much of an emotional investment to walk away and start all over again. I became close to his family too. 

It was then lately when things started to change. I would say that part of this happened because of the quarter life crisis we both have now. 

I am living independently one paycheck at a time and I am in  search of myself. I attempted to be alone. Emo. We were at our eighth year.

He taught me one good lesson when we confronted each other that night. 

He asked me a question.

“If your child is naughty would you throw him away?”

Just like in a relationship, if it gets sour would you spit it out? I was convinced, we are still on the run.

You swallow a medicine even if tastes bitter. 

Individual rough times sinked in. It was more frequent than I imagined. My Career had its own demands too. I still do not know what I want in life.

Even our demands to each other started to change. He then looks at me as his ‘wife’ expecting to be more domesticated and tamed; while I seek for the ‘yuppie’ spirit in him. I get mad whenever he is lazy watching his favorite show. I became extra sensitive and notice why he refuse to wash his face at night. 

I am too obsess with our future and he, I felt, was too overwhelmed to take the plunge with me. 

Our relationship is yet to blossom.

I prayed. Lord, if this is not going to work out, please end it sooner. But I felt God intentionally didn’t listened to me but instead I received a kiss in the morning with a comment that I am too stubborn.

Maybe I really am.

What I am trying to say, relationship takes two forgiving people looking at a wider perspective. When you get mad you don’t walk away, instead you reminisce the good times and then find a way to rekindle. You let things pass because you know at the end of the day, you will choose that person.

As much as possible, cause no harm. 

Maybe the receipt I have now won’t change my mind. I am too stingy to giveaway a downpayment or if things get more weird, I’ll think of it as a donation.

We went to a book store today, I stumble upon this book. The author said she is recommending it for women who feel stuck in their relationship.

Is it for me? Maybe yes. 

Am I still happy? Of course I am.

Are we considering marriage? Yes we are.

When? It’s our surprise.

Simple tip? Be patient with him and yourself. 

I have always wanted to share relationship thoughts here and I want this article to open up a conversation for tips and questions. We can both learn from each other. 

I am going to finish this book and share insights. 

I am 25 and insane. What would be your advice?

xx SAM


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