He will be better, I pray.

Now I know why I am become one of his actresses; I cry easily. Not that he is a fan of any soap opera or he wanted me to try for a role but he saw something in me that I am forever thankful for –  He saw potential.

Normally teachers will stay teachers after you graduate until you created a solid bond with them. I first met my mentor when he was in need of a fairy who will dance for a Shakespeare piece – Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Am I a desperate actress wanna be when I auditioned? I wanted to dance.

Summer of my incoming junior year there was an acting workshop outside school. He offered me to join. I am glad I did. The next semester I was offered a major role for a play – The Glass Menagerie; my break I said to myself.

When we were on our first reading I let a veteran actress wait along with my cherished director. He yelled at me “do really want this or not?” That when discipline came to my senses in chasing once dream.

Without hesitation I said yes.

I forgot how often in a week we rehearsed. I must admit my English fluency is his influence. He corrected every wrong vowel I would pronounce in his car on our way home.

He even adjusted the real volume of my voice which irritates my friends now. I am now loud, not just loud but high-pitched loud.

I became an instant star after that play.  There was a boost in my confidence

When I was looking for a company for my internship he was accommodating as ever. He gave me numbers of friends he knew in the industry. And I swear I would never be part of a famous magazine if he did not introduced me to one of the editors there.

My intern was over, I had a blast. It was my senior year.

As a student I knew I took him for granted. I would never listen to some his discussion one time because it bores me. Baroque, Impressionism, and the like. He still gave me A+ even though he knows I just made up the essay I wrote during the exams.

We did another project.

I never expected to get the lead role again. He was ever patient to me and do things in favor of me. He even added couple of bucks to my talent fee for the effort in jumping off the pool.

On the second semester of my senior year I had a job. He wasn’t pleased he told me that I should finish school since it will end in four months time. Actually the heaven removed me from that job and angels listened to him.

For that particular project we made some shows outside school. It was overwhelming and my beloved director really deserved those praises. I worked hard not let him down.

He chose me as his most outstanding student three years in a row. Sometimes I regret that I should have pushed harder and graduated in flying colors. Still he helped me make something in my entire college.

I left my alma mater, I left him.

But he didn’t stop right there. He accompanied me to find a job. We went to networks with photocopies of resumes on my hand. We strolled every office and he asks if there’s any job opening available for me.

He was more than a mentor, a professor, he is family.

I found a job all because he recommended me. He gave his recommendation saying that I will do great in that place. I am glad the company hired me.

During my first months in work he would telephoned me. He asked me to star in indie film. I chose to be a corporate slave and leave my dream in becoming an actress. I know it had made him sad. I know he will see someone with more talent than I do.

In someway I lost communication with him. When I lost my phone I never bother to retrieve numbers of my professors unless I need them.

So selfish of me. I forgot to thank the universe that if not for this person I would never surpass metamorphosis and become a butterfly.

Guilt strikes me.

Just recently when we got in touch again I got a text message. After all this time I am still in his list. He named me once gain as his most outstanding student. He even made me talk to his students to inspire them.

After years of not seeing him he looked different. I was never alarmed I thought he was healthy and reducing weight.

God he lost so much weight.

I promised him a get together to retrieve my belongings he borrowed from me. I never want to lose my connection with him.

It was his birthday, I am very lame to just greet him through text. I wish him good health and his reply made me worry. He said he needs it.

August 25, 2013  I received a very bad news.

He is ill and not okay. I felt my world fell on my shoulders.

I need to see him. I need to make an appearance because that is the only thing I could do to show my gratitude.

Health conditions were never permanent it could be worse, he could be worse, or he could be better. I plead for him be better.

The world needs people like him.

I will despise my self if I wouldn’t be able to give him even just my ‘get-well’ hug.

I want him better.

He is part of me. He is the person who has the ability to see talent in others. He can bring out the best in people. He knows when he sees one.

And I am forever thankful that he saw that in me. I would never waste what he saw in me and I will work for my entire life just to make it shine brighter.

I know I sound corny but someone needs not to be a family to be important to you.

I will see him two days after this writing. I am not sure how long I could hold back my tears the moment I saw him.

But one thing for sure a person in his condition does not need pity or agony from me/us. I know he wants us stronger.

From this day on I will talk to the moons and pray for his permanent recovery.

The author is writing about his professor, director, mentor, Lito Casaje who is now sick. Please pray for him.


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